Thursday, October 27, 2011

Prego... Not the Spaghetti Sauce.

I've known for some time now that Hubby and I are expecting a little bundle towards the end of May.  Right now I'm only telling people via word of mouth.  I haven't made it "Facebook Official".  But today I just feel like I need to get a few things off my chest.  I truly feel like this will be safe for a while because it's been so long since I've written a blog post that I don't think I have any followers left.

I would first like to preface this post with the following.  I am beyond all laws of excited to be pregnant.  I talk to my "Little Bean" every day.  I tell him or her what they are missing today in the outside world.  I pray over my slightly bloated belly that my sweet baby is growing and healthy and happy.  I tell Little Bean about all of the people in the world that are just chomping at the bit to meet him and how much he or she is loved.

I say all of that to say this.  Pregnancy is hard.  I never thought it would be easy, really, but it's really a lot harder than I think I was prepared for.  Now, I would go through symptoms so much worse than this if that's what I had to do to have my little miracle be healthy.  Don't get me wrong, I'm in this for the greater good of my child.  But that doesn't change the fact that sometimes, it just down right sucks.  And now, some random notes on that -

- The term "morning sickness" is an all encompassing vat of lies.  I've come to realize as you try to find sympathy with other mommies-to-be that everyone's experience is completely different.  Take me for example, I suffered from almost completely day long nausea from before I even took a test until late last week.  I never threw up (due to that anyway, we'll get to the puking later).  I just felt like absolute crap all day.

- Feeling like crap is a good segway to how absolutely freaking tired I am.  I try to get through this by telling myself that my Little Bean needs our energy more than I do in order to grow.  But Mommy also needs to stay awake at work so that Little Bean will still have a house to live in when he or she is born.  The only slight help I've found for this are chocolate milk breaks.  Or naps on the weekends.  Naps are better.  Chocolate milk is only a slight diversion.

- TMI ALERT - Again, while we're on the subject of "crap", I"ll never take that for granted again.  I feel like the nausea and exhaustion are secretly fueled by my inability to "take the Browns to the Super Bowl".  I'm not going to elaborate much beyond that but, really, after I had gas cramps so bad that I puked, I don't think I'll ever take a simple fart for granted again.

- OTHER PEOPLE!!!  Lord have mercy and give me patience but people say some of the stupidest stuff.  Like the unsolicited advice.  I understand and appreciate when people tell me to take ginger supplements to help the nausea, take warm baths to help things "flow", things like that.  But when you start telling me "Tired!  You haven't even seen tired yet!", I think I should be allowed to bitch slap you.  I'm aware that I haven't seen tired yet but that comment does not help keep me awake at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Wednesday.  Or "Oh, you're not far along enough to be showing, how much are you eating?"  Really, like I don't know that I shouldn't be sporting this awesome looking fanny pack of flesh?  Furthermore, who are you to tell me what I should or should not look like?  Are you my OB? No, so shut up.  ALSO - I can barely eat anything and when I can, I can't eat large portions!  I have in fact LOST four pounds.  There are things that can distend your abdomen other than cheeseburgers.  Get it straight.  Lastly - "You shouldn't be eating that."  Look, I'm following most of my recommendations.  I don't eat tuna every day.  I limit my caffeine to less than the allowed parameters.  I don't eat sushi or cockroaches or any other ridiculous thing I'm not supposed to eat for obvious reasons.  But if I've been so nauseous all day that I barely made it through church and all that sounds good to me is a great big sub sandwich, kiss my cold cuts.  When's the last time you heard of an outbreak of listeria on Oscar Meyer honey smoked ham?  Never.  Shut it.

- Adjusting my wardrobe has been less than fun.  Sure, shopping is great.  But it's not like I can just replace my whole wardrobe at one time.  My mom has been the sweetest and started out my maternity clothes collection for me.  I have also, in an effort to extend the life of my pre-pregnancy pants, purchased a belly band.  Now, this thing is great to keep me from feeling like I'm splitting in half at 3:00 sitting at my computer.  However, if I actually have to do any sort of lifting or bending over or slight physical exertion, forget it.  It rolls every which way.  It shifts every time you move.  Not to mention how I now am limited to shirts that are long enough to be tunics to cover the thing.  But it is better than the rubber band around the button trick.  I will say that.

- Most days I find a point where I realize what Linda Blair was going for when she played in The Exorcist.  I just literally feel like some unknown bitchy, weepy, crazy person has taken me over sometimes.  The worst part is, my normal consciousness is inside, observing the goings on, and I'm not happy about it.  So then, when "I" finally re-surface I cry some more because I feel horrible about how I've acted, about the things I've said and done, etc. 

Here are some random awesome things:
- Chocolate tastes better than it's ever tasted before
- I saw my Little Bean's heart beat.  It was the coolest sight and sound ever.
- I love holding my belly, even this early when it's barely even there and is mostly gas.
- You wouldn't believe all of the sodas that come in a caffeine free variety!
- I feel even more in love with my husband than I did the day I married him.  And he's given me the greatest gift he could ever give me.


  1. word. one spaghetti saucy mama to another.

  2. I love it!! You said it girl! You said some funny things too. Thanks for the laugh, I needed it. But now I'm hungry for spaghetti and garlic bread.

  3. Omgosh I totally feel you girl :)
    One minute I'm on cloud 9nothing can get me down, the next minute I'm the most bitchiest girl ever and then I cry. Omgosh! These emotios are crazy!
    I appreciate evverything you said and thanks for the laughs too.
    can't wait until your next post.